You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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