I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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