Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Farmville is her only friend.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You're a waste of cheezeits
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
