I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
