i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
