So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
