The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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