Moan for me like Helen Keller
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
