Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
A+ Viking dick
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize