My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
why didn't you poke me back
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize