Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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