Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
