I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
