Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
