I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
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