She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
