Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
