M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
