Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
