I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
