I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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