Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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