WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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