I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
