I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
