I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
