idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
