Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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