She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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