when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize