true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
