Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He kissed a someone with a penis
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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