My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
