he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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