Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
