If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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