filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
