No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
