Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
