she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
