had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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