I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
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