It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
