whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
