she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize