i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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