i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I am available for nakedness
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
