don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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