i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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