I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
