I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
