dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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