Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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