My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Did I show you my penis last night?
i drank out of a bidet.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize