im drinking this country out of the recession.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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