My hair reeks of homosexuality.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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