I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I will pee on everything he values.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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