and you said cock pushups were impossible
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
