i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
