She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i drank out of a bidet.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
