Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I will be naked everywhere
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
