We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize