You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
