everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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