she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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