oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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