saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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