Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
