ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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