Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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