i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
